


My Heart

by alittlebitoftheuniverse, quantumoddity



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Family Fluff, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Married Couple, baby cuteness, the lafayettes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2018-12-24 19:38:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12019590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlebitoftheuniverse/pseuds/alittlebitoftheuniverse, https://archiveofourown.org/users/quantumoddity/pseuds/quantumoddity
Summary: The life of Adrienne and Gil Lafayette, from the day they met right through the years they spent together and apart.





	1. A Decision Made for Herself

Adrienne de Noailles could depress herself quite easily by trying to think back to the last time she made a decision for herself. 

This dress had been her mother’s choice, an airy and flimsy thing in some limp, lifeless cream, the only hint of colour the embroidered flowers that stalked around the hem. It put Adrienne in mind of abandoned, cursed brides left at the altar who sunk into despair and never took their wedding dresses off. It couldn’t be further from the rich, bright colours and flowing shapes that Adrienne loved and felt comfortable in, which her mother had jettisoned for being too old fashioned, strange, looking like they’d been fished out of a charity shop, before Adri could even open her mouth. The hairstyle was her mother’s choice too, taken out of the braids she found practical and manageable, usually tucked up into two playful buns on top of her head so she could work and focus without having to blow them out of her face every five minutes. No, she’d spent hours that afternoon confined to a chair at the kitchen table, sipping lemon water listlessly like that was a sufficient form of entertainment, while one of the maids followed Mother’s careful instructions and straightened her hair into something still a little wavy and heavy as lead, pulling it up into what was probably supposed to be elegant but Adri just felt exposed. The jewellery had been chosen by Mother as well and now her wrists felt weighed down and what was draped around her neck looked more like a weapon than anything decorative, oversized and overly ostentatious until she looked like she was six years old again, rummaging through her maman’s jewellery box and draping all the trinkets around her neck until she tripped over the pearls. Like a paper doll her mother had pushed out of a book and done up to her own satisfaction, making her go through whatever motions she saw fit.

Like going to this party in the first place, which would have been the absolute last thing Adrienne herself would have chosen to do with her Saturday night.

She looked down at herself as she leaned against the wall, avoiding the turning wheels of the gala around her, trying to stay as far out of the pressure system of banal chatter and air kisses churning like an inescapable tide around the room as she possibly could, even though it came at the cost of a few confused looks in her direction and the undoubtable wrath of her mother for ‘not getting involved’ enough as this were a game of hockey played at school and she was deliberately loitering on the sidelines rather than taking part. But of course, that was how most of the people here saw it, saw everything, as an elaborate, high stakes game. One she had absolutely no interest in playing but she wasn’t given that as an option, like she was born with a schematic and a rulebook and strategy already in hand, expectations and pressures and one foot on a ladder with people urging her on. Where else was she supposed to go but up?

Usually Adrienne would consider this and resign herself with a heavy sigh, seeing no point in railing against something she wasn’t going to be able to change, search for an exit when there just wasn’t one, she was a pragmatic young woman. She’d had to be, to avoid going completely insane. She knew fine well what was going to happen. She was going to keep wearing what her mother told her to wear, going to the parties and balls she told her to go to, go to the university she was instructed to go to and treat her degree as more of a hobby, a stepping stone until the ritual was complete and she found someone with enough history, influence or money, or any combination of two of them to produce the third, like the high society French obeyed Faraday’s Laws of Electromagnetism, for their parents to give a nod of approval and then they’d get married. Just like every other girl her age who was navigating this ballroom like salmon all following the same instinctive commands, albeit with more grace and enthusiasm than Adri herself, at least on the outside.

Adrienne saw no sense in trying to fight years and years of performative tradition. If that was what was going to happen, she felt bleakly certain she’d go along with it, tick all the boxes, keep her parents and grandparents holding their heads up high, sacrifice herself for past generations, expect the same from her children, in the miserable cycle they were all caught in, squeeze out what scraps of happiness she could.

But for tonight at least, she’d decided she was going to sulk and sulk hard. As she approached seventeen, she was sensing the chances to do so sliding through her fingers. And, hey, if this was her last hurrah, then why not make an impression with it by bitterly refusing to take part in one of the biggest societal events of the year. Namely, the Lafayette’s summer ball. 

So Adrienne ignored her mother’s sharp green eyes boring holes in the back of her skull, knowing she’d never think to make a scene in the middle of the party, knowing she was strangely hidden from harm by being in plain sight, using the pageantry and formality of it all as a shield. It was a small, anemic victory but that was all Adri had learned to expect from her lot in life. 

She planned to waste the evening entirely, not dancing, not making conversation, not even with her friends that were here, the handful of children from other families as grand as hers with enough personality to actually have a conversation with. Not even with her few interesting distant relatives, the ones who travelled and journeyed and actually lived, usually sat somewhere along the thinner than most people would think line between aristocracy and outright, more blatant criminality, those who chose to be a little more honest about the greed people in such circles seemed to worship and yet tiptoe around like a vengeful god they all feared and loved in equal measures, the ones who had passionate affairs and wild addictions and at least burnt their inheritances on interesting pursuits, unlike nearly everyone else. Adri would allow herself to be sorely tempted by that darker, more tangled path afforded to people of her station, if she wasn’t her parents’ only child and sole hope. 

Well, maybe if they tried to marry her off to someone boring or reprehensible or who didn’t like reading, she’d give it a go. 

But Adrienne didn’t plan to give even them her attention tonight. She was exhausted with it all, morose, feeling nihilistic and she was going to do nothing but drink and sulk and wallow in bitter thoughts, namely over who the young man this ball was apparently being thrown in honour of actually was.  Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette. A name probably far more interesting than he was, even if it was one of the sillier Adrienne had come across. She could see him in her mind’s eye, of course she’d met a hundred like him in listlessly following the life plan her mother had constructed for her. Arrogant, able to talk about themselves for well over an hour and not even remember the name of their companion, parroting their father’s opinions and mannerisms all while insisting that every girl they met was exactly the same, always so sickeningly proud of themselves when, as far as Adrienne could see, they hadn’t much reason to be. This Lafayette kid, Gilbert or whichever one of his million names he chose to go by, was likely no different, or perhaps even worse given that, of all the grand, rich, ancient families in France, his was the grandest and richest and most ancient. Which meant he was probably an even bigger asshole than the first sons and heirs and over entitled morons she’d already been forced into stilted conversations with where the only thing on both of their minds was wondering if this was the person they’d have to spend the rest of their lives with. 

“You don’t look like you’re having a very good time either?”

The voice jolted Adri out of her sullen daydream, making her nearly spill her wine. She was about to round on the kid who’d mistakenly assumed she wanted to talk, despite every shred of body language she could display, bite his head off until he slunk away with his tail between his legs and next time thought twice about forcing his company on girls who clearly didn’t want it. 

But something about him stopped her, froze her in place as she turned sharply to face him, turned the acidic words on her tongue to dust. 

Maybe it was the fact that he was smiling. Not a fake, plastered on smile like she always saw at parties like this, strained and a little hungry, like people at an audition. The smile was sweet, a little shy, a little hopeful. It actually looked real. 

Adri was disarmed, realising she’d held her jaw open for a little too long, pressing her lips together and chuckling gently, “Ah, not really. Things like this aren’t really my favourite places to be.” 

The young man seemed genuinely relieved, as if that’s what he’d been hoping she’d say. He pulled himself up out of his shoulders a little more to confirm that no, that wasn’t a trick of the light, he really was that tall, someone whose limbs seemed to be outpacing the rest of his body in terms of growth, having the look of a puppy whose paws were too big for it. But Adri had to admit, there was something more than a little charming about his gangliness, it perfectly matched his shy, crooked smile and the glinting braces he was making no effort to hide, the smattering of acne across the bridge of his nose he seemed completely unconcerned by, the chipped red nail polish on his long fingers that he nervously twisted in the corkscrew curls of his adorably messy hair. It was like he wasn’t concerned by these little features, what people would call flaws, he didn’t want to hide them. And Adri was strangely glad of them. They made him look human. 

“Me neither,” the young man groaned, leaning against the same wall Adri was, “There’s only so long I can stand listening to basically the same conversation over and over again from different people.”

Adri laughed lightheartedly, the guy relaxed even further in response, “You mean the one that goes how is school going, are you prepared for your exams, what universities are you applying to, are you seeing anyone in perfect harmony?”

“All it needs is a beat underneath and you’ve got yourself a pretty decent house track,” the young man laughed with his whole body, with his head thrown back, with his hand pressed to his stomach, with his eyes crinkling in a frankly adorable way. He laughed like he was never going to stop and Adri found herself giggling along, would have done even if she hadn’t found his words funny. Somewhere in amongst it all, she found herself forgetting how self conscious of her own laugh she was, had always been given her mother’s insistence on telling her how much her teeth showed when she did, how her voice cracked. 

“I swear, it’s like I’m being interrogated by relatives I haven’t seen since I was six,” he snorted, taking a sip from his own glass, “I thought my great aunt was going to shine a flashlight in my eyes.” 

Adrienne knew she should take this opportunity to pry into his family, ask who his aunt was, who his father was, find his family name. Everything that had been drilled into her since she was old enough to put on dresses and look pretty at parties was screaming at her to dive in with both feet, go on the attack, go into battle. But she didn’t want to do that with this young man, the dishonesty of doing that somehow seemed deplorable with him.  

“Join the club,” she smiled instead, moving a little closer to him, “Is that why you aren’t dancing, either? Hiding in the shadows with me?”

The guy laughed again and Adri’s concentration slipped a little more, “I’m not dancing because if I did, I’d give at least five people black eyes.” He held out his scarecrow long arms as evidence. 

The scarecrow comparison that flashed through Adri’s mind was in reference to his height only; he was actually dressed quite nicely. He’d disregarded the usual plain black suits that all looked the same once you’d seen one or two or three or fifty, instead he was wearing something slim cut in a deep blue that she was only realising just now had patterns delicately embroidered into it. It was different. 

“Very conscientious,” Adri smiled wryly, keeping her eyes on him.

“What about you? You’re proportioned like an actual human being, are you just bad at it?” He seemed to get blunter, his mouth seemed to get looser the more comfortable he got. Likely, that was why he’d been so stiff in the first place but Adrienne didn’t mind. She liked it. 

“I happen to be an amazing dancer,” she grinned, not untruthfully, “No, this is actually a form of protest.”

“Oh?” His eyebrows lifted in interest. He abandoned the dregs in his wine glass on top of a nearby bureau rather carelessly so he could turn full to her, like he didn’t want the distraction anymore even though just a minute ago, he’d seemed desperate for something to fidget with. 

“Yeah,” Adri’s eyes flashed playfully, “I’m making an organised stand against being forced into a boring, overcrowded party in the name of inflating some rich jock kid’s ego.” 

That seemed to amuse him, he tilted his head in a puppyish way, “You mean the Marquis’ son?”

“Precisely,” Adri nodded, “I mean, look at this ball? I think I read about something like this in a Tolstoy novel, what normal seventeen year old wants  _ this  _ for his birthday party, unless he’s a puffed up, over indulged douchebag with more money than common sense who thinks he’s basically a prince?”

Her mouth was running away from her, she could sense that, but she’d had a few glasses of rose more than usual and she so rarely had someone who she felt was actually listening to her when she talked. She’d never realised how starved she was for actual conversation, an exchange that didn’t feel like they were all reading from a script. 

The young man merely smiled, his teeth looking glaringly white in the low light of the party, “Have you ever met him? The guy this party’s for?”

Adri waved her hand dismissively, “We probably went to the same overpriced private kindergarten together, that’s how it works with our families. But no, I’ve never actually met him. I could probably do without the experience, I’ve met more than enough of his type at more than enough parties like this trainwreck.” 

“Well then…” he straightened up, brushing down his jacket, “Do you want to get out of here? We could go upstairs, somewhere away from all this.”

“Wait…” Adri narrowed her eyes. Either this guy was the most overconfident, bold creep she’d ever encountered or she was drunker than she’d thought, “We can’t...we can’t leave? And for the record-”

“Oh!” the young man realised his slip of the tongue after a pause, “Oh no, it’s just I thought you’d like to see my library? You seem like the kind who’d appreciate it and...well, it’s going to be a damn sight better than this, I can promise you that.” 

Adri blinked, getting the sense that she was missing a piece of the puzzle here. “I...but…”

“No one’s going to mind if we duck out,” the young man smiled warmly, “Y’know, seeing as it’s my birthday party and all?” 

Oh god…

Adrienne’s jaw dropped, her heart sinking to the soles of her high heels, “Oh my god, I am so so sorry…” 

The son of the Marquis de Lafayette laughed fondly, holding a hand up to silence her frantic apologies, “No, no, it’s okay. Sorry for forgetting to introduce myself, its my fault really...though, for the record, we were in the same overpriced  _ elementary  _ together. You bust up my nose with a kickball once. So I guess the jock accusation doesn’t really stick.” 

Adri wanted to throw herself out of the nearest window, would have done if his smile hadn’t seemed so genuine, “I am the world’s biggest idiot. Seriously. You’re right, I do remember you now, I should have realised before now but back then, you weren’t so…” 

“Gigantic?” he chortled, “Yeah, I know, I shot up suddenly at boarding school. It’s really good to see you again though, Adrienne.” 

Oh Lord Jesus,  _ he _ remembered  _ her  _ name...and she’d been such an ass…

His expression softened, “Hey, hey, I mean it, no hard feelings. Though, if you really wanted to make it up to me, you could say yes to my offer to come see my library?” 

Adrienne gave him a steady look, wondering how she was somehow actually having fun at a ball for once. 

“Yeah, that sounds amazing.” 

***

Adri considered the lanky, slightly angular, slightly awkward young man the boisterous little thing she now remembered had sat behind her in math class and spent most of his time doodling on the back of his book had now grown into, as he loped up the winding stairs ahead of her. She also remembered the playtime she’d spent sulking in the classroom because of the errant ball she’d sent careening into his slightly wonky teeth. Not intentionally of course though she really, really hoped those braces winking in his mouth weren’t anything to do with her awful aim. 

She did, however, remember which of his twenty names he went by. 

“So,  _ Gil _ ,” she asked, putting gentle emphasis on his name as if to prove that she wasn’t a forgetful idiot as her first impression would suggest, “You sure no one will mind us sneaking away from your birthday party?”

“Nah,” he smiled over his shoulder at her, “As long as I was there to stand and look pretty at the beginning so everyone at least saw my face, that should be enough for Maman and Papa.” 

Looking pretty was certainly something he could do quite easily, Adrienne noted, before blushing at her own thought. Which, of course, didn’t stop it from being true.

She thought he’d been joking about there being a library but as soon as he pushed back the nicely panelled, heavy wooden door he led her to, she saw that he really wasn’t. It was an honest to god library, with shelves that towered above them both, stretching up proudly right to the high ceiling, displaying their rows and rows of grand, leatherbound tomes with their titles extravagantly etched in gold, careworn paperbacks with well broken spines that had clearly been read over and over, textbooks on obscure disciplines, clearly guarding secrets Adrienne had never even suspected might be being kept from her, literature from nearly every language, every genre and country and mythos had their own place to sit. Not only the books, but corners to read them in too, a chaise longue clearly surreptitiously swiped from one of the many rooms in this house, as well as a small loveseat, a cushioned bench, wicker chairs around a scratched oak table, a grandfatherly wingback with cracked leather, none of it matching and all of it scavenged but somehow looking like they’d all just been biding time in their previous places, waiting to be brought into this library. It was clearly lived in too, well used. There was half a mug of now ice cold tea perched on the table, no coaster, a chess board set up with some of the pieces moved in a momentarily paused battle, a pair of sneakers too big to be anyone’s but Gil’s lurking under the bench, a similarly oversized sweater folded semi neatly on the back of the wingback. With the warm light from the lamps as soon as he went around and flicked them on, the inviting smell of old pages and recently guttered out candles, the regular, thoughtful ticking of the clock on the wall that somehow seemed to be slower and more gentle than anywhere else, Adrienne never wanted to leave. 

And that was even before she saw the slightly grizzled looking ginger tomcat curled up on the cushioned windowsill, getting the last of the day’s sun before it slid completely behind the hills, lounging around like he owned the place as cats are wont to do. Adrienne gave a mildly undignified squeal when she saw him and immediately flew over to pet his torn up ears, but she didn’t care. It didn’t really feel like it mattered in a place like this. Out there. But not in here.

Gil seemed nothing but charmed by it, grinning at her, “Yeah, that’s Ahab. He’s my cat.”

Adri ran her long nails down the cat’s back, making him purr contentedly and blink at her with one eye golden as an ancient coin and another filmed over and scarred, “Good name. He does look like a wise old battered sea captain.”

He looked delighted that the reference was appreciated as he wandered over and took a seat on the windowsill next to his old friend, who greeted him with a dispassionate flick of his ginger bristle of a tail, “He kind of came wandering in one day with pretty much half of everything he should have- one ear, one eye, half of his whiskers- and kind of adopted me?”

Adrienne smiles warmly at that, “Oh did he?”

Gil chuckled, “Well, yeah. The gamekeeper wanted to just bundle him off to a shelter, he’d been biting and spitting at everyone who came anywhere near but as soon as he saw me, he ran right into my arms. So...I took that as a sign?”

Adrienne was beginning to think that Ahab had the right idea. Running into those arms seemed to be quite a good plan. She was half tempted herself.

“This is so cool,” she said quickly, turning away so he wouldn’t see the her exasperated blush at her own thoughts, moving to admire the room as a whole unit, a scene, like a perfectly warming backdrop to a painting or the set of a fondly thought of play, “I mean you’ve even got those rolling ladder thingies!”

“That was the first thing I thought to put in!” Gil laughed delightedly, “Built them myself.”

Adri didn’t even try to hide how impressed she was, “You did? Aren’t you industrious.”

His face turned into that goofy, slightly lopsided, disarming grin she was very, very quickly growing to love and apparently bloomed every time she complimented him, “Nah...more like I’m very invested in having a room I can get some peace in. Read my books, play chess against myself so I have a hope in hell of beating my grandpa when he’s in town, talk to my cat and not have anyone try to get me to go to board meetings or hunting or whatever.” 

His eyes drifted down to his hands, knotting and unknotting, fluttering like restless birds in his lap, almost like he was confessing something, admitting to something he knew he shouldn’t be proud of and he’d only just realised that when it was half out of his mouth. 

But Adrienne understood. She understood perfectly. 

“Why don’t we stay up here?” she suggested gently, reaching over on a single, reckless whim and gently tilting his chin up with two fingertips, “Like you said, they won’t miss us at the party. And even if they did...what of it?”

There was a pause as Gil considered this, his eyes, brown and deep and pleasingly bright, meeting her’s for a moment that felt longer than it actually was. Then he smiled and nodded emphatically, “What of it, indeed?”

And just like that, Adrienne had made a decision for herself. 

It felt good

***

They didn’t say much to each other over the next hours, as the evening turned to night and the party downstairs continued on its frantic, vaguely barbaric battleground schematics, never noticing its two soldiers that were missing in action, as they took seats together on the couch, pressed together even with all the available space in the room. Gil chose a slim book of poetry from the second world war, Adri hummed and juggled different tomes for a whole twenty minutes before eventually settling on Persuasion, she’d lost her copy and hadn’t read it in years. Ahab came bumbling over and squeezed himself in between the two of them like a grouchy, suspicious chaperone, making the two of them giggle fondly. Though his presence, his ginger bulk, his eventual tender purring, his tail flicking pendulously even after he drifted off, it didn’t stop their hands, apparently of their own free will, finding each other and entwining. They didn’t pull apart for the rest of the time they spent in companionable peace, reading side by side and somehow becoming closer for their silence. 

In fact, one of the few words that passed between them, after they jumped back awake and realised what time it was, before Adri had to run off and find her mother before she had her declared legally dead, was Gil’s shy murmur in the last second before their hands had to pull away, hurried and low almost like he wasn’t sure if he wanted her to hear or not.

“Do you...do you want to come over again? Sometime soon? As like...as a date?”

And Adrienne’s slightly startled but overjoyed reply. 

“Yes. I’d love that, Gil.”

As she swiftly kissed his cheek, rising right up on the pointed toes of her shoes to leave a tender smudge of red on his cheekbone before stealing away down the hall and leaving him swaying on his feet and smiling, Adri felt a thrill of something like victory. 

Two decisions for herself made in one day. She was on a roll. 


	2. Getting to Be a Habit

This was getting to be a habit. 

Adri and Gil held out as long as they possibly could but the night was just too beautiful to spend in the hall, eating food too rich to really be stomached for anything more than a spoonful or a smudge across a china plate, making stiff conversation with their parents’ overlapping friendship circles about wine and what was being shown at the theatres and galleries in the city and, mostly, the upcoming wedding season; being pointedly sat as far as possible from each other by Madame de Noailles and yet still getting daggers thrown at them from her steeled green eyes every time they so much as exchanged a smile. You’d think they were in the midst of some illicit affair rather than only having had a few dates, mostly to Gil’s library and a few times to the old fashioned picture house they were both fond of. In the two months since their first, charmingly awkward meeting, they were guilty of nothing more than being apparently unable to let go of each other’s hands, kisses that left both of their heads swimming at the end of every date, the achingly sweet rituals of a first romance. 

Yet from the response of his Adri’s mother, the whole thing was as scandalous as her Uncle Talehot who’d sold his estate at the age of seventy and moved to Nice to open a bar.  

The young Lafayette was more easily cowed by the formidable woman than his girlfriend was, so it was he who kept his eyes on his own plate through most of the dinner party and she who seized his hand suddenly as the group moved to the lounge for drinks, pulling him out of the moving river of bodies and away down the hall. 

“Adri!” he laughed breathlessly, making absolutely no move to dig his heels in and resist her towing him out of the back door and into the shadowed grounds, into the warm and thick and fragrant summer night. Gil felt himself get more daring with each lungful of air he took, each one relieved and a little desperate after being so cooped up for the entire dinner party. 

“They won’t miss us, surely?” she pleaded gently, running recklessly, even after they’d left the lights of the mansion far behind them, soon sprinting across the grass simply because she  _ wanted _ to, because her hair was coming loose, it’s dark curls and the lace of her dress streaming out behind her and the dew was soaking through her pumps to her stockings and she was picking up speed so why not keep going, why not fly?

Gil knew they would be missed. He could see the scene playing out in front of his eyes, Madame de Noailles noticing their absence within five minutes, the war behind her smooth face between her desire to maintain etiquette at a social gathering and her fury erupting like a volcano, his own Mama would spot it early and expertly distract and divide attentions with some music, a copious flow of more wine and port. His Papa would join in after a subtle touch on the arm from his wife, diving in with some of his most entertaining high society anecdotes, the well worn ones he’d been breaking out at parties like this since his hair was still black but they never failed. That would keep Adri’s mother quiet at least, though it definitely wouldn’t save them from getting in severe trouble when they had to return, a bigger dose for his girlfriend than for him.

But, a heartbeat after, Gil found himself not caring in the slightest. The only thing he saw now was Adrienne in front of him, his hand firmly clasped in hers, the moonlight settling on her hair like a light settling of snow, as well as on her shoulders, bare now as she abandoned her scarf to hold it over her head like a triumphant banner of victory. All he heard was her beautifully wild laughter, ringing like bells as they careened down the rolling hill, down towards the bulk of the gardens. That was more than he could possibly have wanted. 

Adri seemed to be following some impulse and he was happy to go along with her as they reached his Papa’s much loved lily garden, the one he and the gardener were always playfully arguing over how best to tend. Whoever had been winning recently clearly had the right idea; the flowers were thicker and bolder than Gil had ever seen them, recent rains and much careful attention creating towering structures of vines, flower heads that seemed to glow in the late hour’s darkness for their exceptional whiteness, proud, tall stems, tightly packed beds of gypsophila and blue flowering Salvia and lordly, sprawling ferns and a scent that had grown almost intoxicating, something from a Midsummer Night’s Dream that would have them disrobing and cavorting in amongst the flora in no time. It really was beautiful, it seemed only natural for them to skid to a breathless halt right in the middle of it all, at the stone bench right at the epicentre of the colour and the life. 

“You trying to kill me?” Gil panted, grinning in something of a dizzied haze, completely entranced by his girlfriend. 

It still felt strange saying that. Girlfriend. Adrienne de Noailles, the girl he’d had a crush on all the way back in fifth grade was his  _ girlfriend. _

“Of course not!” she laughed, smoothly using her discarded scarf to tie up her long, now rather windblown hair, “Then who would I talk to? Who would be as good company as you are?”

Gil knew he was blushing, so fierce it was probably visible even in this light, but he’d done that more than enough times in front of Adri, she was surely used to it by now. He was starting to realise that a lot of what used to embarrass him, what used to drive him into the shadowed corners of parties and galas, what used to stop him from raising his hand in class or really talk to anyone at school other than the handful of souls persevered enough to see through the stony shyness. Adrienne would never laugh the way some kids at school or even adults at parties who’d had enough alcohol to not enough morals to forget their politeness laughed at him. She would always smile that gorgeous smile of hers that made his knees weak, she would brush his cheek with her fingertips, look at him like he was a beautiful piece of artwork she was recognising something of herself in. And everything Gil had ever hated about himself, wished away when he caught sight of himself in the mirror after stepping out of the shower, he suddenly loved. Because Adrienne loved it.

“I...I wasn’t really planning on doing much talking,” he confessed, some daring gripping his tongue and making it say what he actually wanted to say, rather than over thinking and chickening out.  

Adri’s eyes widened and her pupils grew a little, their depths as black and inviting and a little unnerving as the void of the night sky above them, speckled with stars Gil ached to know better and simultaneously quaked before.

“And what were you planning exactly, rather than talking?” she murmured in a low voice. She sounded as if she knew the answer. 

Gil didn’t need to say any more, he just leaned in and pressed his lips against Adri’s, deciding it was far past time he tasted what lay behind them. Adri responded immediately and eagerly, her hands delicate but the want in them was clear as they moved up and deftly pulled the ribbon holding her boyfriend’s bun in place, letting it spring free. Then her arms circled his neck, bringing him good and close as their mouths showed no signs of parting willingly. Gil gave a gentle murmur as her painted lips, a deep wine red that he would gladly get drunk on, parted for him and her tongue slid across his, sending a bone deep shudder running right through to his fingertips. It was unfamiliar. It was a breach. But after not even half a second of  _ what _ , Gil’s heart cried out hungrily for more of this, more of her. 

He pulled her into his lap with an insistent tug, making her gasp gently in surprise at the strength in his wiry limbs, a gasp that quickly turned to laughter and a flurry of kisses against his sharp cheekbones, falling like the most wonderful cool summer rain. Eventually she found her way back to his mouth, the two of them kissing fiercely with an endearing kind of messiness, a lack of technique that spoke only of wanting something unfamiliar but so desired that they didn’t care how they got there. They just wanted to grab at each other and explore and grip so tight that their knuckles went white because this was so new and perfect, neither of them could believe that it would last for very long. That it wouldn’t be taken away from them as suddenly as they’d discovered it so they had to have it all as fast as they could take it.

Gil didn’t realise what was happening, so engrossed in everything with Adrienne, her touch, her taste, the taste of slightly charred sugar from dessert, her sound, the gentle little moans as their kissing built and deepened and grew, her scent, the scent of her spiced perfume. But Adri herself noticed, as she shifted her legs and ended up straddling his lap, the waterfall of her dark skirts covering them both. 

“Um, cheri?” she giggled, resting her forehead against his, giving a daring roll of her hips.

Gil’s jaw slackened and he gave a strangled little sigh, realizing very quickly what she meant, cottoning on to the stirring between his legs. If he blushed before it was nothing compared to the way his dark cheeks flamed now. 

“I...um, sorry, I don’t...uh…” he stammered, biting his lower lip like he always did when he could feel his brain running away with his mouth but he couldn’t catch up, “I don’t know how to make it not do that.”

Adri tried very, very hard not to laugh, getting the sense that that really wasn’t what her boyfriend needed to hear. But he was just so damn cute. And feeling the rather insistent press against her lower stomach was sending her pounding heart to the top of her throat, as if it wanted to peer curiously at every inch of her Gil as much as Adri herself did. 

“It’s okay,” she murmured softly, still smiling, though it had shifted to something more wicked, more excited now, “I like it. I think...I think I want... _ ” _

There were some things that were better said in the gaps between words than the words themselves. Gil understood immediately what she meant. 

“You do?” he whispered, his voice a little hoarse, “You’re sure?”

Adri did that stroke of his face again, the one that raised goosebumps all across his skin, and her smile was more beautiful than any flower in the place.

“I do, Gil,” she breathed, “I think I’m ready. But only if you are?”

Gil felt like his body more than answered the question for him but he knew it was right to say it out loud, “Yes I want you, Adri. Pretty...pretty damn badly.”

“Then nothing is stopping us,” Adri beamed, shy and excited and nervous and hungry all at once, playing across her face all at once like an aurora and making something so beautiful that Gil didn’t quite know what to do with it. He just couldn’t rationalise that someone so wonderful was pressing her body against him and looking him right in the eyes and saying she wanted him. And yet here they were, limbs moving, clothes being pulled back, sleeves slipping down shoulders to expose collarbones, fingers stroking hair into rivers down backs, lips never leaving each other’s skin for more than a second. 

_ You don’t deserve her, _ Gil thought,  _ this must be a dream.  _

He wasn’t to know it but Adrienne was thinking the exact same thing about him. This irony of their relationship would prove to be long lasting. 

Neither of them had given much thought to their first time together. Of course they weren’t completely ignorant, it wasn’t as if Gil hadn’t used thoughts of almost every aspect of Adrienne, her smile, her eyes, the softness of her hair, the way her skirt hugged her hips, how it felt to kiss her, to pass sleepless nights in the conventional way for teenage boys and it wasn’t as if Adrienne hadn’t done the same, with thoughts of Gil’s hair, how he’d taken his shirt off when they’d been reading in the library the other day and the sunlight had played off his chest, his crooked smile, his strong arm around her shoulders, the way the loose sweatpants he favoured sometimes slipped further down his hips and suggested at more than he was aware of. It wasn’t as if hands hadn’t wandered as they’d kissed in Adri’s pick up truck, bought by her after her mother had told her she could purchase a car and for once not been stringent enough about what constituted a proper car for a young lady like her daughter. Hence why she hadn’t made that mistake again. 

It wasn’t as if there hadn’t always been the implication that  _ one day  _ they might, that  _ when they were ready  _ they would take that step, that  _ soon _ it would feel right, that  _ maybe… _ But it had all been hypotheticals and ellipses and now it was solidifying into something real, they could do nothing but follow their instincts and hope that carried them there, to where they wanted to go. They had to trust their own hearts, a forbidden and much desired and fantasized about and hopefully sweet concept the two of them had been denied up until now. 

Well, no more of that. As Adrienne said, why not? Why not let that ridiculous denial end now?

Gil pulled off his jacket and spread it on the soft grass, as dense and comfortable as any bed, with the fresh scent of dew. Adri lay on it, her heart fluttering at the view she suddenly had of the night sky, of the stars’ pinpoints of light through the velvet blackness of the sky. It occurred to her in that moment how beautiful darkness could be, how it seemed to have a motion and life behind it, a gentleness, a security, depths and promise and such raw beauty. The stars were fine, but it was the night that made them shine. 

She kept her dress on, just pulling the skirts of it up around her waist and sliding the thin, lacy panties she was wearing (with a thrill of relief that she’d chosen a pair of her prettier ones) down her legs and kicking them away to hang rakishly off the bench, making them both get the giggles for a few minutes. Gil was prepared to be a little more daring, standing and pulling off his shirt, undoing his belt with eagerly shaking fingers, giving a soft moan as his boxers followed and the cool air touched parts of him he wasn’t used to. Though he was more aware of Adri’s eyes as she took in the sight of every single inch of him, of several inches in particular. An impulse to cover himself with his hand seized him for a moment but then he realised behind the shock in her eyes, there was hunger, there was a slackening of her jaw and a need in the way she took him in. That was when he began to smile. 

“Sorry,” she blushed, her grin reaching her eyes in such a beautiful way, “I just didn’t expect...um...I mean...you’re really big?”

Gil blinked for a moment and then burst out laughing, covering his now bright red face with his hands. And a second later, Adrienne was howling with laughter too. 

“Sorry, that was so awkward,” she choked out, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes, “I just couldn’t think of another adjective!” 

“It’s okay,” Gil chuckled, “That actually, um, really flattering? So, thanks.”

“Can we just have sex before I say anything else utterly stupid?” she begged, grinning hopefully. 

“It’s kind of the stupid stuff that makes me want to have sex with you so badly?” he admitted with a coy smile, settling himself on his knees between her parted legs, arms at either side of her shoulders. 

Adri was struck so hard then by his genuine sweetness, she reached up and pulled him down to her, kissing him as fiercely as she could. Gil responded in kind within an instant, neither of them seeing any sense in waiting a second longer. They felt a rhythm sneak up on them, a sense of where to put their hands and where to kiss and where to position their legs, of where to go and what to do, of what it was they were searching for. The heat grew between them, their kisses wandered down to newly exposed skin, tasting things they’d never tasted before, finding new softness and new curves, enough to make the garden swim around them. 

Before long, Gil’s hand dipped between her legs, disappearing up underneath her skirt, finding wetness and slickness and warmth. Adri gave a soft gasp, her eyes widening. His dark eyes flickered to her, a question in them, not quite sure yet how to distinguish between noises of uncertainty and noises of desire. Though he was learning fast, his girlfriend was very vocal. 

“Yes,” she nodded frantically, feeling honest fear when his fingers withdrew, “Yes, more.”

Gil could give more. He could give it gladly. 

Adri suddenly felt like one of his books, one of the books of poetry or literary criticism or free thought that he read so devotedly, that he found such peace and kinship in. As his fingers probed, she felt thumbed through, opened, leafed through, feeling the same burning focus like she was the centre of his whole universe. She felt studied, explored, adored in a way she never had until now. When Gil’s eyes locked with her’s, she could believe that he saw nothing but her. 

“I...please…” she croaked after she’d had as much as she could stand of being rocked and tossed against the grass, clamping her thighs around his wrist, building and building and scrabbling for some height that remained out of reach. 

“I’ve got you,” Gil promised, shifting his hips, struggling for just a few moments with the wonders of female anatomy before suddenly realising his path, “Just...just let me know if it’s too much, okay? I’ll stop.”

Adri nodded, her expression softening. One of her hands reached out and found one of his, their fingers winding together, slotting together perfectly as if they’d been made specifically to hold one another. In the low moonlight, their fingers were almost indistinguishable, they could have been one soul, one individual, rather than two people. 

Gil kissed a path along the delicate slopes of her collarbones and neck as he shifted his hips, gentle as he could be as he slid into her. He met a little resistance and shivered, so close to stopping, but Adri wrapped her legs around his hips and drew him forward, taking all of him until their hips bumped into each other. And the groan of his name she made couldn’t be mistaken for anything but ecstasy. 

He’d despised it with all his might when the whole world had apparently decided ahead of his arrival to always call him by that particular one of his names. Of all of the ones at their disposal, why that one? He’d decided somewhere around his fourth birthday that when he got old enough, he was going to make everyone call him Lafayette. 

But there was something about the way Adrienne said it, especially now, where it hung in the heavily scented air. He decided he would let her call him Gil for as long as she wanted. 

They moved together, raw instinct directing every slightly hasty thrust and grasp and drag of nails down his back. Gil was glad of their distance from the house, Adri was soon writhing and screaming and bucking, her face pressed to his shoulder, trembling all over with so much sensation it was bordering on overwhelming, too much, too hot, too bright. So she fixed her eyes on the night sky above them, on that endless, comforting darkness. She lost herself in it and she sighed his name. 

Gil found power in his wiry muscles he’d never been aware of, drunk on the scent of lilies and damp grass, on how Adri throbbed and contracted around him, how the cool chill of the night rose goosebumps across the dark velvet of his skin and yet a fire burned between his legs and through his belly in the best kind of way. He reached the edge before she did but he held on fast, clawing at the wet earth and feeling sweat run down the straight valley of his spine, determined to let her taste the same wild sweetness he was right now. 

And he wasn’t waiting long. Neither of them received any warning, neither of them were braced for it but within seconds of each other the tension snapped and they hit their pleasure hard. Adri saw the whole damn universe rock and blur in front of her eyes with the force of it and she found, for all her noisiness up until now, the climax stole her words. Gil, on the other hand, moved from the restless panting he’d been reduced to and howled her name at the top of his voice as he came, heat breaking from him. 

It was a while before either of them could speak and, even then, what could they say? 

Gil found the words first, after he withdrew from her and rolled to lie on his back by her side, his slightly damp eyes fixed devotedly on her face. 

“I love you, Adrienne de Noailles,” he murmured, his voice an exhausted and satisfied rasp, “I love you so, so much.” 

Adri bit her lower lip, the simplicity of the words somehow only making them hit her harder. 

“I love you too, Gil,” she whispered, her shaking hand stroking the angles of his face delicately, “More than anything.” 

Neither of them really kept track of how much time they spend just looking at each other, just wandering through the thoughts and emotions and aches and wants left after all of this, but eventually they were both shivering from the cold, giggling a little hysterically, just repeating the words over and over, marvelling how they never lost their magic.

_ I love you.  _

***

Years and years later, when most people did in fact call him Lafayette, pretty much everyone apart from his family and his love, a lot about the grounds of the family mansion had changed, shifting and rolling as time flowed past it all. Some parts had to be moved, building renovations forced other parts away, changes in the weather mean some plants weren’t viable any more, some new ones were introduced. He hadn’t wanted much to change, wanting to preserve what his parents had left but some things had been unavoidable despite his best efforts. Most things, in fact. Nearly all. Some days, Laf barely recognised the old place, he couldn’t really believe this was the house in all his memories. So much was different. 

Except one corner of the grounds. The corner than held the lily garden. 

That would never change. 


	3. An Elopement

Sometimes the most important things in your life happened without any fanfare at all, just out of the blue, no warning, no time to prepare. Sometimes you had time to gather yourself, to prepare but other times, it just hit while your back was turned.

From the better vantage point of the future, when events became memory and were suddenly laid out like a map with the consequences clear and the choices already made, everything surrounding the impact was suddenly imbibed with significance. It was all just footsteps towards the main event, the moment everything changed bleeding into the mundane activities around it until they were lost. Of course, when you looked back, you saw it coming because it was right there, the next inevitable piece of the puzzle. 

But when you were actually  _ living  _ it, Adrienne would reflect for the first time but certainly not the last, everything just felt like components of any normal day. You were as blind as anyone else, putting off the alarm for another five minutes, brushing your teeth listlessly, dismissing small stains on shirts that no one was really going to notice. You never prepared for your life to change. 

And yet, sometimes it just did. 

***

They were lying on the grass, seconds away from impact, enjoying the sudden and unexpected warmth of the spring day. Adri had her head in Gil’s lap as he teased her braids around his long, delicate fingers, lost in perfect contentment like Ahab when he found a sunny patch fallen perfectly on his favourite cushion in the whole library. He’d long ago stopped listening to the play script she was reading aloud to him, his relentlessly busy mind wandering off to join the bees currently distractedly hopping from petal to petal just off to their left, as his brain went from thought to thought. Adri didn’t mind, that was just her Gil, and she needed to practise reading aloud anyway. After much gentle persuading and prodding and wheedling from her boyfriend, as well as a sex strike until she at least considered it (which ended up lasting a grand total of half a day on both of their parts), she’d auditioned for the school’s spring play. Despite being sick with nerves for the entire week, she’d somehow found herself playing Gwendolyn in The Importance of Being Earnest, with pages upon pages of dialogue to learn, a British accent to perfect and a joy and hunger in her heart she’d never felt before. Gil had been patiently running lines with her ever since she’d flown into his arms, surprising herself by crying with happiness, after he’d waited outside the drama room for forty five minutes while she had her callback that ended so well. So Adri could forgive his attentions wandering away from what must be the fiftieth rendition of her monologue he’d listened to. Besides, his posh British accent was hideous and she didn’t quite have the heart to tell him. He made a terrible Jack. 

The hours didn’t seem to be all that concerned with moving past at their usual pace. The day seemed almost honeyed, in its brightness and sweetness and in the way it seemed to be oozing past with a more lazy pull of gravity than normal. Adri was adoring it; at home everything was always so rushed and harried, words came so fast they all felt like criticisms and every task seemed to come with a time limit, a countdown and a threat of failure along with anything as simple as choosing what to wear in the morning. But with Gil, there was never any pressure, there was never any stress. And, most important, there was no judgement. As long as Adri was smiling, Gil was smiling, supporting her through everything. If she’d told her mother that she wanted to audition for a play, she’d have gotten a narrowing of the eyes sharp enough to cut glass and a curt comment about how that would cut into her study time and wondering why she wanted to make such a spectacle of herself. 

Well, maybe Adri wanted to make a spectacle. Maybe she thought it would be better than staying meek and quiet and feeling good for nothing more than attracting a young man. The fact that she was brave enough to even consider something like that, to give life to the thoughts that had always paced and fidgeted uncomfortably at the back of her skull, was dizzying but that was just one of the many gifts Gil had given her.

Another one of the gifts was this peace. Adri felt the sun warm her right through to her bones, the shadows of the little grove of trees they’d settled beside meandering from where they’d begun this morning at her crossed ankles and bare feet, up to where her wrap around skirt grazed her shin, right up to her bare midriff, having decided to tie her shirt off under her breasts when it was clear how warm this morning was going to be. The only sound was her own voice, ringing clear and accented, full of the sincere joys of slipping into the shoes of someone fictional, someone with a much simpler and comprehensible life and motivations, a path that could be so easily walked and understood because it had been written that way. There was a real feeling of community to it, like she was aware of everyone else who’d ever worn this character’s name and face and life, of the brief escapism they’d sought just like her. 

She was already thinking to herself that maybe she’d audition for next semester’s play too. And the next. And the next. And that maybe she’d look into the admissions requirements for some drama schools in the city…

The air was swinging low and heavy with the scent of lavender and the sweet grass underneath them, the taste of the blueberries they’d eaten for breakfast was still on her tongue, the feeling of Gil’s fingers playing with her hair was so soothing she felt like she could fall asleep right here with her head in his lap. They hadn’t moved in hours, since he’d suggested they have breakfast in the sun, and she saw no reason to change tactics. 

Adri and Gil never saw it coming. 

Adri pictured the blocking in her head as she read aloud until her brain absorbed the words eagerly. 

_ I pity any woman who is married to a man called John. She would probably never be allowed to know the entrancing pleasure of a single moment’s solitude… _ ” she expounded with a careless, girlish air before dissolving into bright, lower giggles that were entirely her own and drew Gil’s attention back to him and made his heart beat a little faster, “Ah, I love that line.”

“Do you really?” he smiled, hand drifting down to run along her jaw lightly, “And what does Oscar Wilde have to say about marrying guys named Gilbert?” 

Adri hummed thoughtfully, miming flipping through the pages in search of an answer, “How about that, nothing in here. Strange.” 

Gil snorted, “Probably because he didn’t expect anyone to actually consider marrying a guy with a name like Gilbert.” 

“Hey now,” Adri frowned at him upside down, the slim book resting on her chest, “No bashing your name. I love it.” 

His cheeks turned a little red, he always blushed so adorably, “Okay, point taken.” 

Adri nodded in satisfaction, always ready to swat away the symptoms of her beloved’s inexplicably low self esteem, reminding him how she loved every facet of him, only finding more and more little oddities to smile about the more time she spent with him. 

“I’ll make my own mind up about marrying men named Gilbert, thanks very much,” she grinned, “I’m very much into the idea, as it happens.”

Gil blushed harder, answering her grin with one of his own, “Careful what you say. I could marry you right now with minimum encouragement.”

Adri giggled brightly, the sun winking in the brown depths of her eyes, “Dude, we’re eighteen! You don’t mean that...do you?”

“I actually do,” Gil chuckled, looking a little embarrassed, “Is that weird? Honestly, I’d gladly just jump in the car, go into the city and just...do it? Y’know?”

A small shiver ran up Adri’s spine, as if the sun had gone behind a cloud but it was still warming her as companionably as ever. It was something closer to anticipation, to tripping over something she hadn’t even realised she’d been looking for, a sudden glint of sunlight bouncing of the surface of what, _ something _ , and catching her eye. 

“Why don’t we?” she murmured, sitting up and turning to look at him with her face open and honest with no trace of mocking. 

Their eyes met for a long moment, their minds unknowingly going through the exact same list of thoughts at the same pace. They were adults. They had Adri’s car. They had money. They had time. 

“We actually could, couldn’t we?” Gil whispered in awe, so many emotions in his eyes, suddenly looking so young, “We could do it right now.” 

“It would be completely and totally insane,” Adri nodded, of course it would, neither of them were denying that. 

“It is kind of on the extreme end of impulsiveness, yeah,” he murmured. 

“My mother would kill us. Hell, she’d kill you twice.”

“Our parents aren’t going to understand.”

“It might...it might not work out.”

“People are gonna think I knocked you up or worse…”

“It’s as far from traditional as you can get…”

They were still gazing at each other, holding each other’s eyes, searching for the right path in each other’s face. Neither of them expected to actually find it, they were just groping for a handhold to end this freefall they’d tipped themselves into. But, to both of their utter surprise, there it was. 

“That’s...the con list is looking pretty long,” Gil swallowed, his throat suddenly felt dry, his fingertips itched. 

“So what’s on the pro side?” Adri wondered, sensing the restlessness in his hands, covering them with her own in a comforting, tender gesture. 

“That I love you,” Gil murmured, weaving his fingers through her’s, “And I want to do this.”

The smile she gave him as those words sunk in for both of them was warmer than any sunlight he’d ever felt on his skin, sweeter than any honey he’d ever tasted, more of a sure and certain and reassuring answer than anything he’d ever found in his own heart. 

“I love you too,” she admitted, in a voice as shy and delicate as the way the breeze around them made the grass whisper, “And I want to marry you. Today. Right now.”

He smiled back in answer, “Then I’m all yours.”

And that was all it took.

The morning so far, as wonderful as it had been, Adrienne would barely remember any of it. It just couldn’t stand up to the wild, halcyon explosion that followed, that soaked everything else up in it’s brilliance; it was like what had lead to it had just been the falling asleep whereas their impromptu wedding, their elopement was the dream. 

But those words of the man who would be her fiance for less than four hours and her husband for much, much longer,  _ I’m all yours, _ Adrienne would remember them until the day she died. 

***

The important thing about being the finest and well respected jewellery store in the entire city of love, the one frequented by the lords and the titles and the gentry and the celebrity, the one with the real artistry, was that it wasn’t  _ obvious.  _ The whole point was for the elegance and status to be effortless. That way, they didn’t have just anyone coming through the doors; it was all about the reputation which, in turn, was all about the clientele. That was the Parisian way.

Hence why the man behind the counter, with more knowledge behind his thick glasses on the subject of diamonds and rubies and emeralds and sapphires than most people would even suspect existed, was more than a little surprised when the two teenagers came through the front door of his tiny shop tucked away down one of the many winding side streets of the city. He found himself taking a step backwards as their laughter echoed through the small store of mostly sleek dark wood and endless rows of glittering gemstones, like an apothecary for beings made purely of gemstone. He wondered if they were drunk for a moment, with the way they seemed to be hanging off of each other but it became clear they were just unwilling to drift away even a little, like they were their own little solar system consisting of two planets dancing around each other within the confines of the shop but always returning to each other’s sides. There was something in their smiles, in the way the young man, tall enough that the shop owner was confused for a moment but the youth in his expression was obvious, kept pressing kisses to the side of the young lady’s head, in the way she kept kissing the back of his hand as it was clasped in her own. Something that kept him from asking them to leave, that made him settle back on his stool behind the counter and go back to weighing the pearls in his long, deliberate hands. Just some teenagers having fun after maybe just a little too much wine on a warm day...even he’d been young once...

Gil knew next to nothing about jewellery, the only piece he wore was the bracelet of simple yellow and green string he’d made for himself that had sat on his sharply angled wrist since he was fourteen. Everything Adri wore, what she chose to wear at least rather than what she was firmly told to wear, it was all simple and understated, picked because of its sentimental value rather than anything else. The bronze brooch in the shape of a bee she wore on her hat band that had been her grandpa’s, the simple silver ring that had been a present from her father. They both felt a little overwhelmed in the face of all of this gold, silver, platinum. The formality of it all was something of an uncomfortable reminder of how fast and loose they were playing this, making them feel like children playing at a game in the school yard. 

But that was when Gil caught sight of it, lying there in amongst a display of burnished gold. As soon as he saw it, his jaw dropped a little and he gripped Adri’s hand, pointing frantically in that way he did when he was just too excited to form words. It usually only happened when he saw a cute dog in the street. But as soon as she saw what it was that had snagged his attention, the smile that blossomed on her face was somehow even bigger than the one she saved for the chatty border terrier that lived in their favourite bookshop. 

If ever they needed a sign that this wasn’t the most insane thing anyone had ever attempted in the history of forever, there it was, in the form of a simple ring of several thin gold strands wound together like the thin branches of some tree adapting and shifting to the pull of the sun while bathed in it’s glow. And flowering from its delicate circlet, several pearl lily heads. 

“Not quite as beautiful as the one’s in the garden,” Adri murmured, resting her head on Gil’s shoulder, “But they’ll do, right?”

“In a pinch?” he chuckled, kissing the top of her head, “I think so.” 

Even a gold wedding ring from the finest jewellery store in Paris put barely a dent in the Marquis’ son’s bank account. He waved away Adri’s protests that this was unnecessary, she’d marry him either way, insisting that he’d spent a lot more on stuff that was way more idiotic. As soon as it was bought and signed for and they found themselves back outside in the slowly maturing sunlight, Gil smiled widely and sank down on one knee right there on the cobbled street, holding it out to her in it’s sleek velvet box. 

“Baby, we’ve already done this bit,” Adri giggled, blushing as pink as the roses growing in the store’s hanging baskets. They gave the air such a fresh, delicate scent; flowers were really starting to be a thing for them. 

“Yeah, but now I’m doing it properly,” Gil laughed, he loved it when he could make her blush rather than the other way around, “Now come on, will you, Adrienne de Noailles, marry me? Sometime in the next few hours before city hall closes?”

“You already know the answer is yes!” Adri tried to feign exasperation but he was far too cute to do anything but sink down on her knees too and press a kiss against that smug, playful smile of his, caring nothing for the eyes watching and brows raising.

“I know that, I just wanted to hear you say it again,” Gil beamed, sliding the ring onto her finger. It fit perfectly. 

One job down.

***

Unsurprisingly for two in the afternoon on a Tuesday in March, there weren’t many people frequenting the high end wedding finery shops of Paris. In a fit of romanticism, one of many he’d had so far that day, Gil remembered which store his Maman had bought her wedding dress from, the one he knew Adri had admired one day when she’d pulled an old photo album down from the shelves of his library, much to his chagrin (there were some pretty embarrassing baby pictures in there, back when he’d sported an afro that was bigger than the rest of his body). The young lady behind the counter was as startled as the jewellery store owner had been, a little more willing to turf the giggly, bright eyed pair of teenagers right back out the frosted glass doors until Gil slid his credit card along the marble counter and that took care of any problems that might have arisen. 

And now he got to flop lazily across gilded antique chairs, loosely holding a flute of champagne that tasted a little like dust to him but Adri thought it was phenomenal, watching as she tried on dresses. He was supposed to be helping her critique them and choose which suited her best but all he could ever find it in him to do was applaud and nod enthusiastically and say she looked like an angel in every single one, all while his fiancee rolled her eyes and pulled the next one off the rail. 

Seeing as the whole concept of a dress had been on his own insistence, Adri had been perfectly content to get married in what she’d spent the morning wearing, he felt like he should be more helpful. Not that he didn’t find her wrap around skirt, baseball shirt and sneakers beautiful, he was just very aware of how pretty much every gown and dress she owned had been chosen by her mother rather than her, how every single one was just another piece of her life she didn’t have any control over. He’d seen that look in her eyes as they’d dressed for galas and balls together, when she tried to smooth down ruffles and tug high necks as far down as they’d go and hitch belts a little higher, the look of resignation and tucking feelings away somewhere she wouldn’t have to think about them. 

Gil just wanted her to get married in something  _ she _ felt beautiful in. Something to start to take that look in her eyes away. 

Which is why his face split into a grin as bright and as sudden as daylight through stormclouds when Adri caught sight of herself in the eighth dress selection of the afternoon. In an instant, Gil knew this was the one she had to have; her eyes turned to wide droplets of the night sky, dark and alive with shining stars, when she saw herself in the ornate full length mirror in the corner. 

They’d tried on over the top dresses of sea foam and cloud to amuse themselves, they’d tried on sleek, silky dresses with trains as long as Gil himself, he even lied down on the floor to check, they’d tried on lace and floral and modest and short. This one had been a bit of a wildcard, it had been slid in behind many others, almost like it was an afterthought. But Adri had always had a thing for afterthoughts, Gil had always rationalised that it was why she’d chosen him.

Sure enough, it looked a little sad and understated when it was on the hanger but the moment Adri slid it over her head and Gil deftly took care of the zip for her, it became something wonderful. It was a simple shape, gathered at her waist and running in a waterfall of ivory down her legs with tiny silvered detailing that looked a little like breaking waves, a little like flowering vines, a little like ripples, a little like sunbeams. It just seemed like it had been specifically made for Adrienne, hugging her in the right places, hanging down off her shoulders with a perfectly casual air. It emphasised her youth, it highlighted the delicate arch of her collarbone, the playful smile that was the default setting of her face. Even with her sneakers concealed under the skirts (Adri hated high heels and absolutely would not wear them on her wedding day), she looked as gorgeous as any bride. There were tears running down Gil’s face before he was even aware of it. 

“Oh no, don’t!” Adri begged through her smile when she saw, throwing her arms around him. She could never bear to see him cry. 

Gil hugged her back, “They’re good tears, I promise. Only because you look so beautiful.”

Adri turned so she could look at herself again, now held safe in Gil’s arms, her head resting back on his chest, their smiles matching each other for brightness, for width, for perfect innocence. 

“I actually am,” she murmured softly, beaming proudly at herself, “I’m pretty damn beautiful.”

Those words alone were the best gift Adri could possibly have given her new husband.

***

Evidently, they weren’t the first teenagers to come bursting through the revolving doors of the office of records, in hastily acquired wedding regalia, drunk on each other and asking for a marriage license. It was the city of love after all, elopements were probably common. No questions were asked. 

All it took were two signatures, carefully inked on a piece of paper, and that was it. It felt like such a simple gesture, such an arbitrary action, just words on a dotted line but both of them felt a little dizzy after it was done. It was only when they were halfway down the courthouse steps that they realised they’d forgotten to even kiss. Gil swept her into his arms, dipping her right down like they were in some old fashioned romance in black and white with a swooping, kind of tinny soundtrack behind them. But in his kiss, Adri could taste how real this was, how this was just her and him and what they’d just willed into existence together. It was terrifying, it was momentous, it was so, so beautiful. 

They both knew there were serious consequences lurking outside of the rose coloured bubble around them, on the outskirts of the dreamlike world held within the confines of this city that could forgive so much, that could allow things possible nowhere else to exist. They’d face them when they were ready, when this fragile thing wobbling on its baby deer legs had grown strong and proud and firm enough to face it all. That time was coming but for now this was their wedding night and they were going to have fun. 

There were many fancy hotels in the city of Paris, finding one with an available honeymoon suite was surprisingly easy. Not that Gil or Adri gave the room more than a cursory glance at first, not when they were so busy falling back onto the bed, so tangled in each other it was hard to tell what belonged to who, whether that was Gil’s hand sinking down and disappearing under the skirts of Adri’s wedding dress, whether those were Adri’s legs wrapped tight around his hips, pressing them down instantly, who was making those soft, desperate, hungry moans, who was grunting longingly, whose teeth were sinking into whose earlobe. None of it mattered, not until twenty minutes in and they both came so hard there were tears in their eyes. 

Adri gave Gil another kiss against his cheek before gently disentangling herself, pulling her dress back up over her shoulder where it had fallen down, padding over to the window. Only now she realised how high up they were, the entirety of Paris in all its sprawling, messy beauty laid out in front of her. Like so many people who’d been granted a view like this, Adri could taste possibilities welling in the pit of her stomach, different possible futures stretching out in front of her as winding and tangled as the city streets. Perhaps she and her new husband (it felt a little odd to think that, a surprised little bubbling of pleasure) could get jobs at that bookstore they’d been to so many times, live in a tiny apartment on each other’s love. Maybe they could go to the grand, vast university, collect degrees like trinkets, learn every fact that had ever been committed to paper. Maybe they could open their own bakery, spend the rest of their lives smelling of warm sugar. Or perhaps they could just get on a train and never get off again, move from platform to platform and see where they ended up, stay moving until her wedding dress fell to tatters.

Each one was tempting in it’s own way. Honestly, as long as she had her Gil, her husband, she’d take anything. Adri rested her forehead against the cool glass and smiled dreamily. For the first time in a long time, she was excited about her future. 

She went back to bed glady when Gil sleepily rose out of the tangled mass of plush, silky duvet, his curls somehow even voluminous than usual, his grin sweet and crooked and inviting, wanting round two. Those potential lives were abandoned as she tumbled back into his arms, forgotten as nothing more than daydreams she could return to another time, well read and loved novels she could drift back to when she was nostalgic for their stories. Making any concrete decisions about what steps they would take together, hand in hand, after this could wait. One life altering decision was enough for one day, surely?

Neither of them knew it as they went again and again, until they were both exhausted and satisfied right down to their bones, that a decision had already been made, one maybe even a little more significant than their marriage, taking shape somewhere deep inside Adrienne as the sun rose over Paris.  


	4. A Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gil and Adrienne face some new changes

It wasn’t that their marriage was  _ secret, _ exactly.

It was more like Adrienne’s mother would murder them both if she found out, and Adri spent so much time at Gil’s anyway that nobody questioned why she was always there. If one had been especially observant, they might have noticed that Adri was wearing a golden ring on a chain around her neck, and that she and Gil could hardly stand to be separated for more than an hour. But Gil’s parents, and most others, rationalized that they were a young couple in love, of course they were likely to be attached at the hip.

Gil and Adri always woke up early. It was something of a tradition for them to wake with the dawn, spend the morning together tucked into bed in Gil’s set of rooms, and maybe they’d have breakfast in his library, lounging across each other as they read before . So Gil was already smiling when he blinked his eyes open to the sunlight filtering in through his windows. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to his Adri’s cheek, heart leaping when her eyes opened. He started to press a kiss to her mouth, but she groaned, scrunching her face up and turning her face away, pulling the blankets up over her head.

Gil tried not to let his face fall. “Adri?” he tried, tugging the blankets down. “All the other birds are awake? Where’s my little starling?”

“Gil,” she whined, burrowing down. “I don’t feel well.”

“Oh,” he mumbled, heart dropping. “Oh no, what’s wrong?”

She shut her eyes tight. “Just feel sick.”

Gil sat up, hoping he looked comforting as he stroked her arm. “That’s okay, my love, we’ll get some tea in you and if you still don’t-” He was cut off as Adrienne gave an awful sound and swung herself out of bed, bolting for the bathroom. Gil hovered, halfway out of bed, unsure as to whether or not he should follow her until he heard retching and hurried after her. He found her hunched over the toilet and hurried to pull her hair back, swallowing hard as she heaved and sputtered.

“You’re okay, Adri,” he promised, trying to sound soothing. “It’s all okay, it’s fine.”

She fell back against him, wiping her mouth. “Gil,” she whimpered, shrinking into his arms. “I hate this, I hate being sick.”

“I know, my heart,” he murmured, holding her close. “I know, but you’ll feel better soon. Tomorrow, I’m sure of it. You’ll be right as rain.”

***

She was not right as rain. The second morning was spent much the same as the first, Adri with her head in the toilet and Gil trying his best to comfort her, rocking her and reading to her and trying to tempt her to take tiny bites of toast.

“My love?” he murmured once he had her back in bed, a trash can nearby just in case. “I know you don’t like this, but will you please let me take you to the doctor?” He say the way her eyes widened so he quickly hurried on. “I’m sure it’s nothing serious, but can’t we just get you checked out? Please, for me?”

Adri sighed softly, burrowing into the pillow. “All right,” she mumbled. “For you. But if they come near me with a needle, I’m out.”

Gil chuckled, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. “Completely understandable. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”

“Thanks.” Adri gave him a weak smile, getting up to find her clothes. Gil watched her worriedly for a long moment before following after.

***

The doctor’s office wasn’t too bad, all things considered. Adri had huddled under Gil’s arm as they sat in the waiting room, him scanning the room and glaring suspiciously at anyone who came too near, holding her against him and guarding her. The doctor had been nice too, all smiles and bright eyes, asking Adrienne questions in a chirping voice. Adri answered weakly, saying how she’d been feeling sick and nauseous and weak, looking as though she’d rather be anywhere else.

And then the doctor had started to ask some strange questions, asking how often Adri had sex, what protection did they use? Adri answered, looking embarrassed, cheeks flushing until the doctor asked when her last period was. The color had drained out of her face so suddenly that Gil had grabbed her, afraid she was about to faint and fall off the exam table. The doctor had smiled gently, asked if there was any chance she could be pregnant? Adri had stammered that there could be, she didn’t know, how would they test that? And then she’d clung tight to Gil while she had blood drawn, sniffling against his shoulder and pretending she wasn’t. They’d been sent home, saying they’d be called in a couple of days with the results of the test.

And that was how they’d ended up at an outdoor table at their favorite tiny cafe, stopping for lunch on their way back to the doctor’s office. It had been Gil’s idea, hoping that it would help Adri relax a little bit, she’d barely slept for two days now, and was feeling sick and miserable on top of that. But she’d hardly touched her salad, just poking it with her fork until it was all a soggy mess.

“Hey,” Gil said gently, taking her wrist. “Easy on those tomatoes, what did they ever do to you?”

“Huh?” It took a few moments for Adri’s eyes to focus on him, she had to blink several times. “Oh,” she mumbled. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even mean to get tomatoes on this, I don’t like them.”

“I didn’t think you did,” Gil chuckled. “But I didn’t say anything because I thought ‘hey, she wants to try something new, good for her.’”

That made her smile, as he’d hoped it would. “Not likely, I just wasn’t thinking. Well, not about that.” She frowned down at her mushy salad. “I don’t want this.”

“I can order you something else?” Gil offered, starting to turn to catch the attention of a waiter, but Adri stopped him, shaking her head.

“It’s fine,” she insisted. “I”m really not that hungry.”

She did look a bit queasy, so he didn’t push her, just nudging her water glass toward her. “At least drink something?” he coaxed. “Water’s good for you, and if you’re…” He bit his lip as she lowered her eyes. “It’ll be good for you to drink more water,” he finished, squeezing her hand apologetically. “Adrienne.”

She squirmed in her seat. “Okay. For you.”

He nodded, watching carefully as she took a sip. “Something’s bothering you. Something more than the...the baby thing.”

She sighed. “Gil...what’s my mother going to say? She already doesn’t approve of us, and she doesn’t even know that we ran off and got married, so now she’s going to think we did it because you got me pregnant, and what’ll she think then?”

“I...I don’t know,” he admitted, pressing his thumb to the palm of her hand. “I just don’t know, Adri, I’d tell you if I did. But I can tell you this.” He kissed her fingertips. “I’m not leaving your side for a second. So whatever anyone else wants to think, it doesn’t matter. Because I’ve got you, and I’m never leaving you.”

Her eyes welled up, making his throat tighten. “Don’t cry,” he pleaded, handing her a napkin. “I’ll start crying and then who’s going to take me seriously?”

Adri laughed weakly, wiping her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m okay. Gil...I know this is a lot, and we haven’t really been able to talk about it, but are you...happy? About all this?”

He almost started crying then, eyes softening as he looked at her. “Oh, Adri...I know the situation’s not ideal and I know you’ve been so worried. But yes, I am happy. It’s the happiest and the most terrified I’ve ever been.”

Adri smiled tearfully, squeezing his hand. “I think…” she said slowly. “I think I’m going to be happy about this too.”

He kissed the back of her hand, smiling. “Come on, my love. Let’s go see the doctor.”

It wasn’t far, so they walked, Gil hugging Adri to him protectively, letting her rest against him as they went. They didn’t speak, but they didn’t need to, just clinging to each other tight as they walked back into the office, the whole time they waited. Not a word passed between them, but they communicated just fine through comforting smiles and gentle kisses pressed to foreheads and shoulders. They held hands tightly as they were called back into a room, butterflies working up a frenzy in Gil’s stomach.

“I’m sorry to keep you waiting,” the doctor smiled as she walked in, holding a clipboard. “The labs take a few days, I know it can be hard to wait.”

Adri coughed gently. “So could we...am I…”

“Congratulations,” the doctor beamed. “The results came back positive. You’re about a month and a half along, Mademoiselle de Noailles.”

Adri’s eyes widened, her hands fluttering down to her stomach. Gil knew this wasn’t really a surprise, it had been almost a guarantee really, but that didn’t stop him from tearing up at the look of bewildered delight on her face. He wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her braids, and for the longest moment they didn’t speak. The doctor murmured something about giving them a minute alone, and neither of them looked up or even really noticed. Gil rocked her gently as they sat there, just clinging to each other, holding the baby inside her safe between them. The  _ baby _ .  _ Their baby. _

“I love you,” Gil finally choked out, his voice tight with tears. “I love you so much, Adrienne.”

She laughed, blinking rapidly as she kissed his shoulder, the only thing within her line of sight. “I love you too, Gil.” He grinned, kissing her hair, her forehead, down her nose, until he landed on her lips, cradling her face gently as he kissed her. “Gil,” she murmured when they finally broke away for air, panting gently. “What are we going to tell my mother?”

Gil shuddered at the thought of telling Madame de Noailles anything, but he just sighed, kissing Adri again. “We’ll think of something. But for now, let’s just go home. Let’s just go be happy.”

So they did. And they were.

***

“You did  _ what?!” _

Adrienne winced. “Mother, just let me explain-”

“Explain?” Madame de Noailles scoffed. “There’s nothing  _ to _ explain! This...this... _ wastrel _ has gotten you pregnant, Adrienne!”

“He is not a wastrel!” Adri cried, looking outraged, taking Gil’s hand from where he stood next to her. “I married him because I wanted to, and as a matter of fact…” Her eyes blazed. “We’ve been married for weeks now!”

The look on Madame de Noailles’ face made Gil want to run away with his tail tucked between his legs, but he resisted, squeezing Adri’s hand encouragingly.

“Madame,” he said; he had to swallow hard first to make the words come out. “I love your daughter. I’d never do anything to hurt her. I don’t want her to be unhappy.”

She looked at him down her nose, which was quite a feat, given that she was even shorter than Adrienne. “This is not the life I want for my daughter.”

“Maman,” Adri’s voice wavered a little before she steadied herself, a desperation in her eyes that made Gil’s heart hurt, knowing she was trying to hard to make her mother understand. “I know this isn’t what you wanted. But this is the life I’ve chosen. And I’m happy.” She tried a smile. “Maman, I’ve never been this happy.”

Her mother pursed her lips, staring at her daughter. Adri’s hand gripped tighter at Gil’s, and he tried to hold hers back reassuringly as they waited for her mother to pass judgement. It felt like an eternity, but couldn’t have been more than a few seconds when she spoke again.

“There’s nothing to be done about it now,” she said, in the voice of someone who had spent a very long time practicing how to sound calm. “And, if this makes you happy, as you say…” She huffed and waved a hand airily. “Then I suppose it’s something I’ll have to deal with.”

It didn’t sound much like acceptance to Gil but Adri’s face lit up, her arms flying around her mother’s neck. “Thank you, Maman,” she gasped. “And don’t worry. This life is going to be good.” She turned her head to smile at Gil. “I know it’s going to be.”

***

“Gil!” Adri giggled as he poked his head into the library. “You’ve got paint on your nose!”

“Shhh,” he grinned, just taking a moment to admire her curled up in the window seat in a pool of sunlight, Ahab dozing by her side, his tail twitching protectively over the growing swell in her belly, her nightgown draping over it. The doctor said she was nearly six months along now, over halfway, but it still felt like an eternity before they’d get to meet their baby, he could hardly stand it.

“Gil?” Adri smiled gently, fluttering her hand at him. “Were you going to say something?”

“Oh!” he grinned, hurrying over and taking her hand. “I have a surprise for you!”

“A surprise?” she laughed, letting him help her up, ruffling Ahab’s torn up ears in apology when he gave her a disgruntled look. “I’ll be right back,” she promised. “You know what our boy is like.”

Ahab mrrped back at her, he did know. He just closed his eyes to the sunlight, letting his kids take off from the library, Gil leading Adrienne up the stairs, making her huff when he pulled her on after the first flight.

“It’ll be worth it,” he promised, wrapping an arm around her and guiding her to the door by their bedroom. “I’ve been working on something for you.”

Adri grinned, hugging his arm. “Is this where you’ve been all week? You wouldn’t tell me a thing?”

He beamed, looking incredibly proud of himself. “Close your eyes!”

Adri did as he asked, putting a hand over her eyes for good measure as he led her into the room. “Open them!” he declared, and she just knew he had his gangly arms out, displaying his work for her to see. So she dropped her hand and opened her eyes, gasping as she took in what he’d done.

He’d redone their spare bedroom, made it into a nursery with soft yellow walls that seemed to glow in the early afternoon light and a beautifully carved crib, complete with a mobile of hot air balloons and piles of stuffed animals gathered around.

“Oh, Gil,” Adri murmured, stepping forward, running her hand along the rail of the crib. “You...You did all this?”

His cheeks flushed. “Well...I wanted them to have somewhere nice to live. So, yeah? Do you like it?”

“Like it?” Adri laughed weakly, winding her arms around him. “Gil, I love it! It’s beautiful!”

“I’m so glad,” he grinned, kissing her nose. “Yellow’s a nice color, I think they’ll like it. And speaking of that...have you thought any more about names?”

“I have,” she admitted. “I’m thinking Anastasie for a girl, Gilbert for a boy.”

He gasped in mock horror. “You are not naming our child Gilbert, that’s too cruel! I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.”

“Hey!” Adri protested. “That’s my favorite name!”

He chuckled, ducking his head. “Well-”

Whatever he’d been about to say was cut off as one of the maids came in, the lines along the corners of her eyes crinkling with worry. “Monsieur Gilbert,” she said, without the same teasing smile most of the staff gave him, many of them had known him since he was small. “There are two men at the door asking for you. Policemen.”

Adri’s heart dropped in her chest, feeling Gil tense in her arms. “Did they say what they wanted?” he asked, disentangling himself from her gently.

Marianne bit her lip. “They said...They said they needed to speak with you about your parents.”

Gil swallowed hard. His mother and father had been going off to the beach chateau for the weekend, they’d left the day before. “I’m coming,” he murmured, kissing Adrienne’s forehead. “I won’t be long, my love, it’s probably just something about Papa missing a meeting, it’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” Adri murmured, squeezing his hand. "I’ll be here.”

He nodded, offering her a small smile before following Marianne out. Adri tried to occupy herself, looking at all the toys in the nursery, the bookcase holding an encyclopedia and picture books alike, clearly Gil was thinking they should start their baby on reading early. She sat in the rocking chair, paced from the changing table to the dresser to the crib and back again for what felt like hours, until she finally gave up on waiting, marching out of the room and waddling down the stairs, almost jumping out of her skin when she nearly walked into the uniformed man at the bottom.

“Oh!” he said, looking surprised. “My apologies, Mademoiselle…?”

“Adrienne,” she said, trying to draw herself up, to look as impressive as a heavily pregnant eighteen year old girl in a nightgown can. “I’m Gilbert’s wife, where is he?”

“Just in the kitchen,” the policeman assured her, looking wary, as though she might shatter like a porcelain vase. “But you may want to sit down…”

“I’m fine,” Adri said tightly. “Tell me what’s happened.”

The man looked as though he was debating whether to speak or not, before sighing heavily and bowing his head. “The Marquis,” he said gravely. “And the Marquise. They’re dead.”

Adrienne felt a tightening in her chest, a pang that grew and strengthened but somehow still left her in numbing shock. “They’re...what?”

“They died,” the policeman said, his eyes sad. “A car crash.”

“Oh God,” Adri murmured, fluttering hands settling on her belly. A thousand thoughts flooded her mind, but most pressing was Gil, and how he must be aching, and then she was flying past the policeman to the kitchen, stopping in her tracks when she found her Gil, her poor Gil, sitting at the table with another officer, his head in his hands. Adri squeezed his shoulder, feeling a tremor run through him as she did.

“I know,” she whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks, heart breaking for him as he sobbed. She looked up at the policemen, trying to steady her voice. “Thank you for telling us,” she said, working hard to keep her lip from quivering. “Contact us as soon as you know more.”

The men nodded, taking their cue to leave. The minute they left, Adri dropped to her knees to get her arms around Gil, feeling him crying into her hair. She clung to him and cried with him, sobbing for his parents, who had been so kind to her and so excited to meet their grandchild, and for her baby, who would never know their grandparents, but mostly she cried for Gil, and for everything he’d lost, and how it wasn’t fucking fair that this had happened, just as they were about to be so happy.

“I knew it,” Gil croaked, as if he’d read her mind. “I knew I didn’t have any right to be this happy, I knew it was too perfect.”

“Oh, Gil,” she choked out. “No, that’s not it…”

“You know what this means?” he asked, looking down at her with red eyes. “I’m the Marquis, Adri. All the responsibilities, everything that goes along with the title...it’s mine.” He looked disgusted by the fact.

“I know, my heart,” she whispered, cradling his face. “I know, but...but you and I, we’re going to figure this out. Don’t worry about it now, there will be plenty of time later.”

They burrowed together in a tight hug, sharing a chair, and even when it was uncomfortable, they didn’t move. They stayed there together, where the world couldn’t reach them, where they could hold each other close and share the burden of something that was too big for one person to carry alone. 

***

Their baby was brought into the world when they were still in mourning, still wearing black. She came into their lives kicking and wailing, all slick dark curls and tight fists and long nose that was Adrienne’s all over. She only settled once she was settled onto her Maman’s chest, mewling and snuffling at her, completely oblivious to the way her Papa was sobbing as he took in the sight of her.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Adri sighed, meeting his eyes through a film of tears. “We have a daughter, Gil.”

“We do,” he gasped, reaching out and letting her catch onto his finger with a tiny fist. “She’s perfect, Adrienne.” He leaned closer, kissing her temple. “Thank you for this,” he whispered.

She giggled. “I think you had just as much to do with it, making her was a two person job.”

“No,” he chuckled, resting his head against hers. “Thank you for...for everything. You’ve been so wonderful, so much more than I deserve.” Their daughter whimpered, which Adri declared a clear sign she disagreed, making Gil huff. “Anastasie for a girl,” he remembered, kissing the curls already starting to fluff up on her head.

“Anastasie,” Adri nodded. “And then...I thought Louise, for a middle name? Like your mother.”

Gil’s eyes filled again, and Adri was terrified she’d done something wrong, but he just nodded hard through his tears, a wobbly smile on his face.

“Anastasie Louise,” he whispered against their daughter’s head. “You have no idea how much happiness you’ve brought with you. Our treasure.”

“Our treasure,” Adri echoed, and she smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're on tumblr @childofdustandashes and @my-dearesteliza!


	5. Twists and Turns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gil and Adrienne make two decisions

Anastasie seemed to bloom overnight, one day she was a tiny baby, barely able to lift her head, and the next she was everywhere, her curls bouncing as she flew. Adrienne and Gil were delighted, spending their days trotting after her, showing her the gardens and the fountains and the library. She was beautiful, eyes almost black, always wearing little dresses because that was what she liked and neither of them could bear to refuse her, no matter how many nice dresses she stained.

Her first word would forever be a subject of debate for Gil and Adri. Ana’s first Christmas gift to Adri was beaming as her mother got up to lift her from the crib, greeting her with a cry of “Mama!” Adri had flown back to bring a very sleepy Gil into the nursery, only to find Ana smiling cheekily at her, and promptly refusing to say a single word, only to later that day greet Gil with “Dada!” when he came in from the gardens. Gil insisted Adri must have heard her wrong before, of course she’d say his name first. Adri huffed and pouted, but Ana seemed to cuddle extra close in apology that evening while she was nursing, and that made up for it.

Adri adored her daughter, her little girl. She was her treasure, and treated as such. Adri’s friends laughed to find her coming to rehearsals with Ana bouncing on her hip, and once, when Gil had caught a cold, Adri had gone to a meeting for him, all the older men stunned to find a nineteen year old girl with a baby in a sling on her chest. There were morning cuddles and afternoons spent reading to her and letting her have tiny sips of coffee when Gil wasn’t looking.

Which just made it worse the morning when Adri went into her two year old’s room for her usual morning snuggle, expecting to find Ana awake already, ready for her maman to take her to breakfast, only for her daughter to wrinkle her nose and burrow deeper into her blankets, mumbling “no now, Maman.” Adri took a step back, trying not to let her hurt show on her face.

“I’m sorry, little one,”’ she whispered, backing toward the door. “Maman’s sorry, I’ll come back later.”

Ana didn’t answer, already dozing off again, so Adri left, almost stumbling right into Gil, who was waiting in the hall for her, a sympathetic grimace on his face. He tugged her into his arms without a word, rubbing her back soothingly.

“Don’t know why I’m so upset,” she mumbled, feeling tears spring to her eyes. “She’s just tired.”

“She is,” Gil agreed. “She’ll be ready for her hugs in a bit, I promise.” He kissed her forehead. “Come back to bed, my heart.”

Adri went with him, heart lifting a little at having his long arms wrapped around her, pulling her into bed, making her feel loved. She curled into him gladly, making herself small in his arms, feeling his long fingers stroking through her braids.

“Gil?” she asked after a long moment, peeking up at him, wanting to ask him a question, worried he’d think she was just asking because she was upset. But when she met his eyes, he was smiling, like he already knew what she was going to say. 

“Yes, Adrienne?” he murmured, cradling her jaw, chuckling when she turned her head to kiss his palm.

“I think…I think I want to have another baby,” she breathed, her voice barely above a whisper. Just as she’d predicted, he didn’t look surprised, his eyes soft.

“Are you sure?” he murmured, propping himself up on his elbow. 

She nodded hard. “I want to, Gil. I really really want to. If we’re going to have more, I want them close together enough they can still play with each other.”

He smiled, kissing her forehead. “Well, it has been a couple years since your mother reminded me I’m a fuck up, let’s do it.”

“Gil,” she sighed softly, hugging him closer. “You know she doesn’t mean that.”

He snorted. “Oh, I think she does, my love. But it’s fine. So, tell me. When do you want to get started on having this next baby?”

Adri hummed playfully, tugging him close, kissing him lightly. “Well...I was thinking we could get started now?”

“Oh?” he smirked, a teasing growl in his voice as he pounced, rolling her onto her back, only to go scrambling back when the door creaked warningly.

“Maman,” Ana’s tiny voice piped up, a wobble to it that had Adri sitting up quickly, heart breaking as she took in the quiver to Ana’s lip.

“Oh, what’s the matter, sweetheart?” she gasped, opening her arms. Ana hurtled into them, burrowing into her chest like it was a safe place.

“Sorry,” she mumbled sadly. “Want a hug now.”

Adri smiled softly, wrapping her little girl up and rocking her gently. “You have nothing to be sorry for, my little love, I should’ve realized you were still sleepy.”

“Hug now,” Ana said, hugging her back tightly, making Adri smile at Gil over her head. He mouthed ‘I told you so’ at her and she rolled her eyes.

“Little treasure?” she hummed, getting to her feet. “Want to come to the library with me and Papa? I bet we can find you a book to read.”

Anastasie perked up immediately. “Yeah! Book!”

They took her downstairs to the library, only to have her fly straight for the window seat to where Ahab was enjoying the sunlight as always. He treated their baby with the same exasperated tolerance he treated them with, like they were all just silly clueless creatures he had to look after, but they made up for it with food and pets.

“Easy,” Gil reminded Ana gently, guiding her hand over Ahab’s fur. “Be nice to the kitty, remember?”

“Kitty!” Ana beamed, going back to squishing his face the minute her father pulled his hands away. He rolled his eyes, shrugging at Adri like ‘Well, I tried.’ But Ahab didn’t seem particularly bothered. In fact, he was purring contentedly. So they moved away to wander the stacks, leaving Ana to her fun.

Gil wrapped an arm around Adri’s waist, peering back out that their little girl fondly. “You sure about this having a baby thing?” he whispered, a smile in his voice.

“Oh yeah,” she grinned. “Are you?”

He kissed the top of her head, watching Ana attempt to get Ahab to look at her picture book with a smile on his face.

“Absolutely.”

***

“New baby?”

Gil and Adri sat on their bed with Ana, both of them smiling hopefully up at her. Ana squinted up at them, curious to know where exactly this idea had come from.

“That’s right, treasure,” Adri smiled, moving Ana into her lap. “A new little sibling for you to play with. That’ll be fun, won’t it?”

Ana wasn’t so sure about that, her little face crinkling up. She liked the family they had now, her and Maman and Papa, and Ahab and now Perdi and their litter of kittens. Did they really need a new baby?

“Why?” she asked skeptically, and Adri bit her lip.

“Well,” she said slowly. “A bigger family means more love, doesn’t it? And more people to share it with. And it’ll be nice, to have more people to play with.”

Ana still hesitated. “Um...where from?”

Gil chuckles, stroking her curls. “That’s a little something for when you’re older, mon chaton. But now? They live in Maman’s belly.” Ana looked at him like he’d gone crazy, making both of them laugh. “I know it sounds a little strange now,” Gil smiled. “But it’ll make sense in a few months, I promise.”

Ana squirmed a little bit. “Have to?”

Adri’s brow furrowed. “Well, my love...see, the baby’s already in my tummy. But, you’re going to love them. And they’ll love you. You’ll be best friends, you’ll see.”

Ana sighed heavily, as only a two year old can. “‘Kay, Maman.”

Adri smiled fondly, kissing her pudgy cheek, knowing that was probably all they were going to get. “Thank you, angel. Now come on, let’s go play.”

***

So they did it over again. Adri still went to her rehearsals, still bringing Ana along, though she couldn’t pick her daughter up anymore, not with the swell in her stomach. That had been a subject of argument in the Lafayette house, but Anastasie had to settle for clinging to her mother’s hand, even though that wasn’t nearly as good.

It was easier this time, being pregnant, Adri decided on an evening as she stretched out on one of the sofas in the library, putting her swollen feet up. She wasn’t as scared this time around, not now that she knew she could do this. She had stopped reading the pregnancy book she’d refused to pick up when she was pregnant with Ana, conveniently closing it before the last chapter, as Gil had so innocently pointed out to her.

“I already know labor,” she’d insisted. “I don’t need to read about it.”

He couldn’t argue with that, so he cuddled up with her instead, reading aloud to her from any book but that one.

“Adrienne,” he said at the end of a chapter, closing the book. “Can I ask you something?”

Adri blinked, wriggling around to see his face a little better. “Of course you can, my heart. You can ask me anything.”

He bit his lip. “Do...Do you remember before...well, before we were married, and we’d talked a bit about universities? How I said I wouldn’t mind attending a school in America?”

“I...I’m not sure,” Adri lied. “Vaguely, maybe. Why?”

He sighed, lifting his head from her bump to look into her eyes. “I didn’t realize...with all these meetings and everything, about the village, I was only kind of fumbling my way through it, I didn’t know…”

“You didn’t know what?” Adri pressed gently.

“I didn’t know how much I didn’t know,” he murmured, eyes dropping. “And I’ve been thinking...I want to go to school. I want to learn more, so maybe I have a chance in hell of getting something done around here.”

“You’re doing so well,” Adri argued, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re just still learning, that’s all.”

Gil smiled sadly, picking up her hand and pressing kisses to her knuckles. “I want to know more,” he said softly.

Adri gingerly pushed herself up so she was sitting, squeezing his hand as she thought. “This...This is something you really want to do?” she asked.

Gil rested his head against her shoulder, winding an arm around her waist. “It is,” he said softly. He sat up, looking at her closely. “I mean, I’m not taking off right this moment, I still have to apply and I’d never leave you when you’re pregnant.”

Adri looked at him, in the way she did sometimes, the way Gil always said made him feel like she was looking into his soul. She could see his earnestness there, the desperation not to make her upset, to have him understand that he wasn’t abandoning her. She could see the sadness, and she knew if she asked him to stay with her, he’d do it in a heartbeat. But she saw the excitement in his eyes that he was trying so hard to hide, even though her Gil was fairly glowing at the idea of this new adventure.

“Send in your applications, my love,” she murmured, kissing his chin. “Send them anywhere you like.”

Gil’s eyes widened. “Really? Adrienne…”

“I mean it,” she insisted. “Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve ever wanted to do, you’ve encouraged me and helped me with it. I want to do the same thing for you. So, if this is something you want, something you need to do...I’m here.”

Gil’s lower lip quivered, and he tugged her close again, burying his face against her neck. “I love you, Adrienne,” he whispered, rocking her lightly. “I love you so damn much.”

“I love you too, Gil,” she answered, hugging him tight. He kissed her, again and again until she felt dizzy, and then, after that, if they’d made desperate, grasping love on their couch in the library, if they’d done that, well, who but the two of them would know?

***

For the second time in the past eight and a half months, Anastasie found herself sitting at the foot of her parents’ bed, telling her something she wouldn’t like. Papa was talking about going to school, which Ana thought was silly. She wasn’t even in school yet, but surely her papa had finished long ago?

“Not that kind of school, my love,” Adri had explained, pulling Ana into her lap, though there wasn’t much room for her there anymore. “It’s a school grown ups can go to.”

Ana’s bottom lip remained stubbornly jutted out. “Why?”

Gil chuckled, cupping her cheek. “Well, the idea was that if people could go to school to learn things, they could get a good job where they got to use the things they learned.”

That kind of made sense, though Ana still scowled when they explained Gil would be going off to a school, one called Columbia (which Ana declared a dumb name), and Adri and Ana would stay home, to look after the estate.

“I know it’s not much fun,” Gil said sadly, picking her up and settling her on his knee. “But I won’t be going right away, we’ve still got a few months. I’ll still be here to meet the new baby and play with you, and then I’ll be home again before long.”

Ana leaned into him, grasping his shirt in her tiny hands. “Don’t go,” she mumbled. “Want you to stay.”

Gil sighed, resting her against his shoulder, rocking her like he’d done since she was very small. “I’ll talk to you everyday,” he promised, kissing her curls. “We can Skype, I'll be able to see you and everything. It won’t be forever, Ana.”

She sniffled into his shirt, and he couldn’t do anything but hold her tight and promise that it was going to be okay, it wouldn’t be as long as she thought, he’d be home every summer. Adrienne grimaced sympathetically, moving closer to stroke Ana’s hair soothingly.

“We’ll be okay, treasure,” she whispered. “I’ll still be here, you won’t be alone.”

“But no Papa,” Ana mumbled sadly, burrowing into him.

“Oh, I know,” Adri sighed, tears springing to her own eyes. “I know it’s no fun, my love. But he’s still your Papa, even if he’s on the other side of the planet, or on the other side of the universe. He’s still ours.”

Gil made a little broken noise, reaching out to grasp her hand tightly, that’s all he could do with an armful of three year old.

“It’s okay,” she murmured, still in the same soothing tone she used for Ana, though now she was looking at him. “It’s going to be okay.”

***

Their second daughter came into the world with the dawn, after the longest, most grueling night Adrienne could remember. She could see the sun rising through the window, just a sliver of orange over the trees that accompanied the pitiful mewling of the baby in her arms, Gil’s quiet weeping against her shoulder, her own exhausted breaths.

“Adri, look,” Gil laughed weakly. “Look how perfect she is, she’s got your eyes.”

Adri smiled tiredly, stroking her daughter’s nose gently. “This is yours, though. God, Gil, she’s beautiful.”’

He smiled, kissing her cheek. “You were so amazing, Adri. I’m married to the most wonderful woman in the entire universe.”

She giggled, gazing down at their daughter, who was snuggled into her contentedly, all trace of tears gone. “She is beautiful,” she murmured, kissing her forehead

“Henriette,” Gil whispered, holding her little scrunched up fist. “For your mother, yes?”

Adri bit her lip, leaning into him. “You don’t mind?”

“Don’t mind at all,” he chuckled. “Maybe now your mother will like me. And even if she still hates me, I’ve got another Henriette to win over.” That made Adri laugh, and their little Henriette blinked, looking alarmed at the noise.

“Oh no, it’s okay,” Adri soothed. “It’s all right, little one, you’re safe and sound.” The door creaked and she and Gil both looked up to see Ana standing there, Marianne holding her hand.

“There’s our treasure,” Gil smiled, beckoning to her. “Come up here, meet your little sister.”

Ana fidgeted nervously, but padded up onto the bed, settling on her father’s knee, peering warily at the bundle in her mother’s arms.

Adri smiled. “What do you think of her, sweetheart?”

Ana poked Henriette’s hand cautiously. “What’s her name, Maman?”

“Henriette,” Adri murmured. “Like Grand-mère, remember?”

Ana hesitated. “She’s...she’s okay…”

“You want to hold her, treasure?” Gil asked gently, quickly continuing when Adri gave him a terrified look. “I’ll help you hold your arms up, she’s a little heavy.” Ana looked reluctant, but she nodded, so Adri helped to settle Henriette into her arms, her father’s strong arms underneath.

“Hello,” Ana said, like she was trying to make a good first impression. “I’m Anastasie Louise Pauline du Motier de Lafayette.” Gil and Adri laughed and she looked outraged. They hurriedly consoled her, insisting they weren’t laughing at her, so she kept talking, after a glare at them. “I’m your big sister,” she sighed, gazing down at Henriette. “So I guess...I guess we’re gonna be best friends.”

Those words alone nearly made Adrienne start to cry, especially when Gil looked up at her, beaming. They sat and listened and cried silently, and listening to their little girl, who clearly wasn’t as little as they’d thought, talk to her new sister.

***

Adri had been dreading this for weeks. Dreading going to the airport with him, dreading watching him leave. She was half tempted to do what Ana had done and sneak things out of his suitcase, so he’d have to go hunting for his toothbrush, or his favorite sweater, or his boots. But she hadn’t. She’d helped him find all the missing items, helped him finish packing, helped him get ready to go. But now that they were here, standing in the airport, Ana grasping tightly to her leg, Henri still sleepily content in her sling, Adrienne wished she hadn’t.

Gil must’ve seen the look on her face, the one she was trying so hard to hide, because his eyes softened and he moved to hug her, chuckling when Henri squawked indignantly at being squished between her parents.

“It’ll be all right, my heart,” he whispered, holding Adri’s face, pressing his lips to her forehead. “I’ll call you as soon as I can.”

“I know.” She tried to smile, determined not to cry. They’d said their own goodbyes that morning, and she’d shed enough tears for both of them then. Gil kissed her softly, resting his forehead against hers for a long moment before pulling away, kneeling in front of Ana, who was determinedly not looking at him, frowning at the floor.

“Come on, treasure,” he coaxed, holding out his arms. “Don’t be angry, I’ll be back soon.”

“Don’t go,” Ana said, her voice angry but quivering.

“I wish I could take you with me,” Gil murmured. “I wish I could just pack you into my suitcase.”

Ana looked up, eyes skeptical. “Want a seat instead.”

Gil chuckled softly, taking her hands. “I’ll take you with me someday. We’ll go see anything you like, go anywhere. We’ll have an adventure.” Ana’s lip started to quiver, and Gil hugged her tight, stroking her curls. “Be good for Maman. Look after Henri, yes?”

“I will,” Ana nodded solemnly, kissing his cheek. “I love you, Papa.”

Gil squeezed his eyes shut, and Adri knew he was trying not to cry as he whispered that he loved her too, hugging her one more time before letting her go, straightening up just enough to kiss Henri’s head, making her face scrunch up.

“I love you too, little flower,” he said softly. “You behave yourself.”

Henriette only blinked at him with her big dark eyes, reaching out a little hand for him. Gil pressed a kiss to her palm, closing her hand back into a little fist.

“There you go,” he smiled. “Now you can take it with you.”

Adri gave him a tearful smile, though it fell as she heard the boarding call. “That’s you,” she sighed sadly. “You’d better go.”

Gil took a deep breath and nodded, kissing her again, maybe just a little too long for being in front of their children and a crowded airport. When he pulled back, he looked as though he was going to say something, then shook his head and kissed her one last time, quickly, before hurrying away.

Adri stayed there and watched him, watched his back until he was out of sight, bending down to comfort Ana, who had started to cry.

“It’s okay, my loves,” she murmured, because Henri had started to look frightened too. “We’ll see him soon.” She took Ana’s hand, holding it tightly. “Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're on tumblr @childofdustandashes and @my-dearesteliza! Come hang out!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, we wrote this together and if you want to find us elsewhere, we're on our Tumblrs @my-dearesteliza and @childofdustandashes. All feedback is very much appreciated!


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